How Do We Not Stress the Small Stuff???

In this episode, the boys discuss the importance of perspective and how not sweating the small stuff in life is so difficult when things that life presents piles up. They share personal stories and experiences that highlight the challenges of maintaining perspective and thinking, "Is this something I should really be consumed with"? They emphasize the need to focus on the present moment and take life day by day. might even be a metaphor of the sport of golf and how it relates to life, highlighting the importance of moving forward and knowing that we are never going to have every shot in our bag.

Takeaways

Maintaining perspective is crucial in navigating life's challenges.
Focusing on the present moment and not worrying about the future can help reduce stress and anxiety.
Learning from tragedy and difficult experiences can lead to personal growth and a better understanding of what truly matters.
Reaching out for support and seeking perspective from others can provide valuable insights and help in overcoming challenges.

Chapters

00:00 Reunion and Recap
01:11 The Grind of Everyday Life
03:10 Perspective and Putting Things in Perspective
06:41 Learning from Tragedy and Gaining Perspective
08:00 Balancing Perspective and Addressing Small Issues
09:23 The Importance of Perspective and Not Sweating the Small Stuff
11:24 Learning and Growing from Life's Challenges
12:22 The Fine Line Between Remembering and Moving Forward
13:26 The Challenge of Maintaining Perspective
17:22 Living in the Present Moment
19:17 Taking Life Day by Day and Focusing on the Present
21:05 The Challenges of Having the Whole Game Going Perfectly
25:37 Finding Perspective in Life's Challenges
28:23 Moving Forward and Overcoming Guilt
30:38 The Metaphor of Golf and Life
34:30 Re-tea and Moving Forward
36:15 The Importance of Reaching Out and Seeking Support

Transcript

Chase (00:01.938)
The gang is all back. The three of us are together for the first time in 2024. Welcome to Life is Life. Bibi, it is good to have you back.

Brian Blackburn (00:13.73)
I didn't really go anywhere, but yes, I have not been, the timing has not worked out on the lining up with the guests and the times and the calendar. So I didn't go, I wish I could say I went somewhere fun, but I've just been doing the daily grind, man, just working and kids and family and friends and on and on, so nothing good to report on why I missed. Poor excuse.

Chase (00:38.194)
You know, life is life and it gets in the way sometimes and scheduling can be difficult. And Phil, we had a great time with Ray Russell last week and she was even way more inspirational than I knew she would be.

Phil (00:52.656)
Yeah, it was a great conversation to have with her. We learned a lot about her backstory, even though we've known her for over a decade now at this point, but it was great to see kind of what inspires that motivation. So if you haven't listened to that episode, go back and check it out after you listen to today's.

Chase (01:06.424)
Yeah, it really is.

Chase (01:11.126)
It's so amazing what our men and women in uniform can accomplish and what the US Armed Services can do for people in their lives, especially when they're at a crossroads and don't know where they're going. And that is kind of the metaphor for today's episode is so many of us, Brian, get stuck in the weeds with the day-to-day grind of life. And get let...

Things that you would always think are just the most ridiculous things affect us and sometimes the decisions we make.

Brian Blackburn (01:48.818)
Oh absolutely, I remember when my dad had an unexpected heart attack and we didn't think he was going to make it and I remember swearing on my life that I would never sweat the small stuff. I would never. I said just keep my dad alive, keep him with us and our family and for my mom and me and the grandkids and I swear I won't, you know I had this whole epiphany I'll never sweat the crappy little things that don't matter and it's just.

So funny is not the word, but it's just sad or weird. But then you just, you know, next thing you know, you start stressing about the little shit that doesn't matter, you know, whether it's work stuff or family or, you know, just any type of sports, anything, man, it's just, you know, all of a sudden you catch yourself. So I'm constantly really trying to put myself in perspective. Obviously, you know, you lost your wife, which is also one of my best friends. So that's...

between her and my dad, I mean, I've been given all the perspective you need, but it's just crazy how mentally you can't always remember to put things in perspective. So I'm getting much better at it, Chase and Phil. I'm doing much, much better at it, but sometimes it just, you know, I'd rather just switch it on and off within two seconds and not let the, you know, the stuff grind and wear you down.

Uh, you know, so Chase, let me ask you, like, obviously, uh, you know, you're back into, obviously, you know, you lost your wife, the mother, your kids, you went through way more traumatic stuff than I ever have gone through. Do you catch yourself? Do you catch yourself getting caught up in the small shit that doesn't matter? Do you have perspective or do you forget it too?

Chase (03:21.938)
so far.

Chase (03:27.738)
Well, I like to think I have all kinds of perspective, but the emotions of the right now sometimes completely overtake me. Like I let little things, and in the grand scheme of things, they are little things. If, you know, when my daughter, to her, it's the world.

But as an adult, I have all kinds of experience. I should know that she didn't make the number one volleyball team to her. It's the end of the world. I should have perspective in saying, you're an eighth grader and it's okay. You've got lots of time, but I even found myself getting pulled into the weeds of getting angry and you know, this is unfair. And it bothered me for a little while. And yet if this would have happened while Carrie was sick and going

She was in and out of the hospital and I'm going through... That wouldn't even have registered on my... I wouldn't have given it a thought because it's so small compared to the enormity of your wife who is fighting, and I'm sorry for the metaphor babe, but fighting cancer.

Brian Blackburn (04:36.011)
Yeah, it...

Phil (04:47.056)
Yeah, it's crazy how even when you're aware of the situation, you're aware of your own feelings and how much we do worry about small things. It's so human nature to go back to it, you know, to start stressing about, oh, man, someone dinged my car and that's going to just ruin my day. But really, that ding on the door is not.

I know it would bother Chase a lot more than it bothers me. But at the end of the day, it's there. And I'm not going to really worry about that. But sometimes we let it just kind of fester up those small things that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.

Brian Blackburn (05:12.312)
Heheheheh.

Chase (05:14.822)
Yeah, I would.

Brian Blackburn (05:28.01)
Yeah, and that's what I do now, Phil, too. I'm pretty good at trying to put stuff into perspective. But like I said, my goal is I want to turn on and off within, right when that negative thought comes into your head, I want to be able to flush it out. There's certain days I can do that right away, then there's other days that you just let certain problems, great word on fester, you let it fester for weeks or stresses, but at the end of the day, I think.

it's all gonna work out. You know, it's gonna, you just have to have the mindset of like, listen, there's way worse problems out there. I know what Chase and his family have dealt with is 1000, you can't even put a number on it. 1 million X harder than anything I'm gonna have to go through at work or a stress of something like that. So it does help me and I promise Carrie at the service, you know, I told her stuff that I will always, you know, keep her in my thoughts and her family, but also

You know, I think we have to learn from those things, right? Like those tragedies, like the tragedies you have to learn from, if you haven't learned something from them, it goes in vain. Like, you know, I think you have to really, really learn. So I do thank her all the time because it does put things in perspective. But you know, getting that on and off switch is really the goal for me.

Chase (06:41.878)
And that's, well, that's, it's a fine line, for instance, that I'm walking because there's this line of, I don't ever want to forget my wife. I never want to, you know, there's that, there's that part of that love for I have for her that I want to hold on to forever yet. She's not here in the physical for me every day. And I have another, I have a life to live and I have bills to pay and I have to go to work and I've got to have.

And I love my work, so I love to go speak to people, but yet then I've got to get the kids from here to here. So the rat race of everyday life and the decisions that have to be made on a regular basis can overtake us in what is really, I guess, important within the decisions we make. And like you said, fester, I think that is the greatest word. That's when we find ourselves snapping at my 15 year old son because he didn't

pick up his clothes off the stairs and take him to his room and put him away for the 10th time when really that's a small thing, but that was the fuse that lit me up. You know what I mean? So those are those kinds of things. How do you step back and make logical decisions and take a deep breath and say, this isn't important enough to give it my energy.

Brian Blackburn (08:00.778)
Yeah, and I think it deserves your energy, but I think it doesn't deserve to consume your brain. Yeah, I think you have to obviously, you know, and you're I know it's just a kind of a small, fun example about, you know, clay leaving his clothes on the floor, but.

You know, it's OK to address that, but you can't let it, you know, it's all about a level of the anger it should cause you. It should be very small, right? It should just it could be frustrating. It could be annoying. But like I said, the big picture of things is like, dude, just pick up your shit. Yeah, but you don't want to lose your shit. You know, like I think that's one of my words of the year. You know, Chase and Phil, one of my years, I have two words for the year for me. One is win. I want to start winning and everything I do. And then the second one is.

patience because I'm starting to catch myself just getting annoyed and you know, she kind of for no reason, right? And I think that also ties to maybe certain stresses that we all deal with, certain things we're going through. So, you know, our

We forget to breathe, we forget to take our time, and I think it's just super important to remain, really don't get mad at shit that really doesn't matter. There's enough that we all have to deal with that really matters in our life, that's worth our energy, but I think trying to hone in on that energy and not wasting it on little shit is something that personally I think is important.

Phil (09:23.528)
So you're telling me Chase that my kid may not learn how to pick up his clothes before high school? It'll continue? Let's just get bigger piles.

Chase (09:29.162)
Oh, buddy. Well, I mean, it depends on your child completely. I mean, you might have a kid who just is very structured and does not like it being messy, but apparently I don't have that in my family, either of my kids. And it's funny because I will hear my father and my mother,

Brian Blackburn (09:32.222)
It'll stockpile, it'll pile up higher.

Phil (09:42.349)
I don't.

Brian Blackburn (09:49.322)
Not nor do I by the way, so

Chase (09:58.07)
every time I am bickering at them to put the cap on the toothpaste in the bathroom or take out the trash of the bathroom. It's overflowing. Can you guys not see that this is and it's just it builds up in me and I can just hear my parents like oh god I swore I would never yell at my kids about stuff like this because it's just not that important. But yet here I am. I guess the circle of life right? It's I find

I'm 52 years old now and find myself right where my parents were.

Brian Blackburn (10:32.694)
So Chase, have you ever thought maybe to flip things around and maybe it's a super positive from where you've came from over the last year now where you are now, maybe it's not a bad thing that you're actually getting pissed off at little shit because maybe that means you've kinda, I know she's always in your heart and in your mind, so that will always be, but maybe you are turning a corner.

And now the little shit's bothering you. So maybe this is part of the therapy, man. Maybe you're gonna be, you know, this is the, you're right on cue now to, you know, cause you, like you said, you know, we've talked about, you have to move on, right? Like life goes on, the sun comes up, the nights go by, you know, the kids gotta go to school, you gotta go to work. So maybe this is a, you know, I'm a glass half full guy, but this is, you know, you're moving into another stage of your grief and you're getting shit done. And you're getting pissed off at little shit.

Chase (11:05.308)
Hahaha!

Phil (11:05.904)
Hehehehehehe

Phil (11:17.384)
Yeah, I think you f-

Chase (11:24.606)
Yeah. And oh, that there is no doubt about that. There's absolutely no doubt about that. You mentioned your words for the year and I like when, but I also like mine is learn. I just want to keep learning. And honestly, that's a lot what this podcast is about. But I realized that, you know,

Brian Blackburn (11:30.403)
Heheheheh.

Brian Blackburn (11:44.556)
Mmm, good.

Chase (11:52.758)
we all make mistakes, it's human nature. I yell at my children or when I raise my voice, when I'm upset at something, I then realize and I apologize. But sooner or later, that's gonna fall on deaf ears. And I'm hoping that I can learn from my mistakes. And I can win more than I lose to kind of put it in the words that you were saying. But.

learn from the losing and make myself better.

Brian Blackburn (12:24.17)
And how about maybe, yeah, maybe another tool is maybe try to use perspective more, like have it at the. Yeah. But, you know, and just put it in perspective, like, you know.

Chase (12:29.702)
Take a deep breath, step back.

Brian Blackburn (12:36.814)
to see if you can do that. I'll tell you a funny story, my dad, oh go ahead Phil, go ahead. Oh no, I was just saying a funny story because I used to always give my dad, and so you know, he's somehow, he's amazing, but he's, you know, every once in a while we'll go golf and I'll never forget a while back we went golfing and he always screams and yells on the golf course, like he's like, ah, like all pissed off. And I go, dad, you should be dead, like, like.

Phil (12:37.576)
I was, I was too... No, go ahead.

Chase (12:56.658)
Hehehehe

Brian Blackburn (13:00.374)
don't get so mad. Son, let me get fucking mad every once in a while. I said, hey, maybe that's a good thing. Like he's got his fire back, right? Like he's allowed, you're still allowed to get mad, right? Like, you know, and I think that's the moral of the story. My dad was like, shut the hell up, Brian. I could be mad. I could, you know, let me have a moment of anger. So I think that's also human nature, right? It's okay to be a human.

Chase (13:04.754)
Hahaha

Phil (13:06.289)
Hehe

Chase (13:11.075)
Yes.

Chase (13:26.05)
It's a thousand percent human nature.

Phil (13:26.352)
Yeah. I was telling, I always tell Barrington, because sometimes he gets stressed out over little things. And I try and remind him, like, do you remember what you were stressing about a month ago on Monday? He's like, no, why would I remember that? Because it wasn't that important. It if you can't remember it now, like you're stressing so hard about this math problem that has taken you 10 minutes to do, which in fifth grade apparently is a lifetime.

And you know, but you will, it will not bother you a month from now. By tomorrow, you won't remember what the math problem is. You know, you'll have a new thing to stress. And I try and remind him that, you know, so what, you got the math problem wrong. I trust me, I think we've all gotten a few math problems wrong and we'll continue to do so. And it's just kind of trying to remind him that it's not gonna matter, you know.

Brian Blackburn (14:01.506)
week.

Chase (14:02.427)
day.

Phil (14:23.452)
That that he struggled on a math problem in the fifth grade It's not that big

Brian Blackburn (14:28.43)
Well, I think those are those are great tools. Yeah, I read a lot. And you know what they say to handle stress and handle certain problems is you want to say, you know, one year from now is this going to even matter? You know, one week from now is this even going to matter in 90 something percent? I mean, the majority of our stuff, it really, you know, obviously, what Chase went through with Kerry, that's a major thing, right? That but 99 percent of our stuff that we stress about is really not going to be an issue one year from now, two years from now.

So that's a really good way to put it in perspective, Phil, just like what's the worst? You want to ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? What's the reality of that really happening? What are potential solutions to handle that? And then is this problem gonna matter to me a year from now? So I think what you're telling him is, you know, very fine advice.

Phil (15:15.332)
Yeah, and you know, I was the this morning, Brian, I was out of the office earlier because I took my kid over. He has a little heart murmur. They found it a couple of years ago and it's completely fine, thankfully. But every couple of years he's got to go just to cardiology and get it listened to and checked again. So today was that day. And when you're sitting there in pediatrics cardiology, you start to look around and I know that his heart murmur should be fine. You know, his regular.

Physician looked at it and said yeah, it's probably the fine, but just it's time to go look at it again But you look around at all the other parents and you're like man. I some of them aren't here for a little heart murmur You know and you know, thankfully we walked out they said everything looks great He can go back to do it being a kid do he can do whatever he want. No He's fine It may close up on its own and may not but this won't affect him long term

But you just kind of sitting there at children's in the cardiology department. You look around you like what really you just think about it. Like does that did the traffic matter? Did the fact that I got cut off on the way there matter? No, not really. None of that really matters when you big picture things, you know, so you leave and someone parked too close and you're like, oh, well.

Brian Blackburn (16:33.738)
Yeah, but that's the kind of the story we're talking about, Phil, right? Like so. And I understand you're in the moment, right? With your son. So that obviously you have very negative thought. You know, you're freaking out. You're you're worried, right? That's a great word. You're scared. But then what's going to happen when you're at that same traffic light three weeks from now and you're just doing you're going to get your coffee or going to make a great presentation. Like that's where I think we can all learn from. Right. It's like, yeah, because you were in the moment of perspective. You know, but then all of a sudden we get

Phil (16:36.082)
Right.

Chase (16:42.29)
You're worried? Yeah.

Phil (16:44.978)
Yeah.

Phil (16:58.644)
This one we gotta catch ourselves.

Right.

Brian Blackburn (17:03.752)
we get on with our lives, we go to our day to day, and then all of a sudden we kind of forget. I think that's the moral of our podcast today is like, why do we forget that perspective so quickly? And then what are different ideas and tools we could do to overcome that and be better for it.

Chase (17:22.53)
One other thing that I've started doing, that was a kind of a New Year's thing as well, even though I started meditating regularly and just kind of, it's a practice that I've wanted to learn. I mean, if it's been going on for as many centuries as it has been and it's helped people, why not? But I first started it because of a negative. I first started it as a reaction to feeling depressed or anxious because

You know, Carrie was sick and the what ifs and all of the things, the burdens that went with that. So the meditation at the beginning was, I had a negative connotation on it because it was, I was trying to help myself from feeling bad. And now I'm looking at it from, yeah, now I have it as an association of what it's for and that's to be, be here and now. To, to

Phil (18:06.66)
have like a negative association.

Chase (18:19.318)
actually understand what is going on at this moment. And I had that conversation, and I should listen to my own advice to my son, who was so and is so worried that because he was so sad after his mom died, and he's at school as a freshman, and he just kinda was in a fog, right? And so he got for him what he thinks are average grades, and he's like,

I'm like, what is wrong with you right now? And he's like, finally, just after I went over and over and over again, he said, I'm worried I screwed it up already. I'm worried I ruined my chance at going to a good college or whatever it is and that no matter what I do now, I've already ruined it. And I'm like, well, here's the perspective. And I had this great, like, I'm like, dang, man, I should have written this down because I was like, you need to do...

something every day. You can't read the future. And whatever you did in the past, if you were mediocre, let's just say, in your classes, you can't do anything about that now, but you can get better going forward. And he's like, well, I just don't know how. I'm like, then you do it every day. You work as hard as you can. You look yourself in the mirror every day and go, did I do everything I needed to do today? Because you can't worry about what you're going to do three weeks, five weeks, eight weeks from now.

because you don't know what that is. You don't know what lessons your teachers are gonna give you. You don't know what's gonna come your way in a baseball game or whatever it might be, but you tackle it as it comes. And if you do the right things every day, those opportunities for you will start to work out. These things will start happening for you organically because you're working hard and you're doing the right things. Does that mean you're not gonna have little missteps here? No, but none of us know the future.

And yet that's where so much fear is reared is future because there's just the only thing that we're sure of is unfortunately death and taxes. Sorry to bring that up again, but that's exactly what it is. And so he's sitting back and he's like,

Chase (20:35.166)
He's like, okay, so I just tackle every day and then everything should take care of itself. I said, yeah. And he came back to me like an hour later and he goes, dad, I feel so much better that I'm like, you can't possibly tackle, you know, what it's going to be like when you're 25, when you're 15. You just don't know. And he's like, but I let everything bother me because I'm worried about the future. And I said, that's a lesson we're all learning. I'm 52 years old and I'm still learning that.

Brian Blackburn (21:05.314)
Yeah, the unknown is always scary. Anything you can't totally control is gonna make us, yeah.

crazy and it's also overwhelming. You know, if he's trying to plan out the next 10 years, you know, that's just an overwhelming feeling that, you know, it's just do it just do daily little small things like just, you know, whatever his goal is, he's just got to, you know, take one day at a time. I know it's cliche, but you just got to take one day at a time. Make sure you're in the right routine, making the right decision. Stay disciplined as possible. And, you know, things normally will work out. Yeah.

Chase (21:40.978)
Stay present. I mean, I think that's, I want to learn and I want to be present. And I want to remember that it's not about the destination, because we don't know what that destination is yet. But it's, we still have this life on whatever date it is today. It's towards the end, you know, it's the 30th of January as we speak. Today's a great day. Why? Because it's January 30th. And

Brian Blackburn (22:07.25)
and you're alive. There's your perspective.

Phil (22:08.644)
And we're here, right?

Chase (22:08.762)
We're alive and knock on wood healthy. I'm talking to you guys. I get the chance to go pick up my kids. I get the chance to go take my daughter to volleyball and soccer. Wait, we don't have soccer day. I get confused sometimes.

Brian Blackburn (22:20.676)
Hehehehe

Phil (22:20.968)
Hehehehehehe

Chase (22:22.942)
That being said, that doesn't keep me from getting into the weeds on stuff that just doesn't seem, should matter as much.

Brian Blackburn (22:35.078)
Yeah, there's a great phrase, you get to do it, not you have to, right? You get to pick up your kids, you get to work out, you get to get up in the morning, you know, not a have to. There's a very big difference between get to and have to. If you could switch that mindset to get to it could really, you know, help us all, you know, move forward.

Phil (22:56.752)
Yeah, and I think also the perspective of, you know, we've I've seen through our listens that we do have not many, but some listeners from other parts of the world. And then you kind of if you expand even further and in our kind of worldview and you start looking at some of the opportunities that we have and some of the some of our problems that are, you know.

the young kids would say like first world problems. But you start comparing it to some places where they may not have running water or they may not have free public education for kids or different things like that. And then you compare it that way and then it kind of makes our problems seem even less,

Brian Blackburn (23:25.538)
Right?

Phil (23:51.064)
us complaining about certain things and when you put it in a perspective of what other people around the world might be having to deal with and their adversities.

Brian Blackburn (24:00.118)
Well yeah, Phil, I do that now with Chase's situation, honestly. Like, you know, I, like if I have to, if I get in a fight with my wife, or if I get in an argument, or if I have to do something for my kids that I don't wanna do, if I have to go drive, I'm like, I'm like, man, Chase doesn't have Carrie to fight with anymore, right? Like...

Phil (24:19.558)
Right.

Brian Blackburn (24:20.662)
So I'm always trying, I'm really trying to do this perspective stuff because I think it's so important. You know, it's just like what Chase would give right now to have an argument over money or an argument over what are we doing with the kids? Like he would absolutely pay there's no money that he would do to have that. You know where me and you Phil might be like getting all bent out of shape, losing our minds. Yeah, losing our patience.

Chase (24:40.799)
There's not enough.

Phil (24:45.348)
You guys made me late again? Hehehehe

Chase (24:48.02)
Hahaha!

Brian Blackburn (24:49.802)
You know, so I think it's super important and people are battling and Chase can do the same exact perspective because he has, there's people that are dealing with way worse stuff than he's dealt with, which is crazy to say, but it's true, right? Like people have lost whole families in accident. I mean, just shit can happen, man. And you know, so I think we all have different levels of perspective, like I'm very blessed. I'm the first to admit, like I...

Chase (25:08.282)
Yes. I.

Brian Blackburn (25:16.202)
Got great parents. There's a lot that's going on for me, but like it's still I have my own rough days for sure. But like perspective is so key for all of us. And there's always a layer, man. Like you said, Phil, there's other countries that are don't have water. I mean, it's just we go on and on the perspective we all should have.

Phil (25:31.944)
Right.

Chase (25:32.026)
Yeah.

Chase (25:37.123)
Brian, you said something that caught me, but it happens to us. It happened. What was that perspective you said again? It was, it happens. It happens to us.

it happens for us.

Brian Blackburn (25:51.314)
happens. Oh yeah.

Chase (25:54.978)
So there's, I listen to this podcast and I've read this book called Small Medium at Large. And her name is Rebecca Rosen. Somehow she got introduced to me. I was listening to, I think it was Rob Lowe's podcast of all things. And you want to talk about weird stuff. He's interviewing this woman and she's a medium and she, you know, talks to spirits or whatever and can, so I'm like,

Okay, this is interesting, but I've never even thought of this before. And right after that, I was on my way to lunch to meet with somebody who knew Carrie really well, who Carrie worked out with. And not 15 minutes after I listened to this podcast, she asked me, have you thought about talking to a medium? And I go, I've never even thought of a medium in a million years. And now this has been brought up to me. Right. And this has been brought up to me now.

Brian Blackburn (26:50.552)
I know what one is.

Chase (26:54.586)
within 15 minutes of each other in one day. I'm like, dang. And what struck me about what she says and what that things happen to us in the world that they're not happening to us, they're happening for us. And that's because everything we do is, it's a, we're supposed to be learning from what life is giving us. And that these things that happen in our life happen to all humans in some.

Brian Blackburn (27:19.967)
Yep.

Chase (27:24.25)
way or another at one time or another, we're all going to have loss. You know, unfortunately, you know, Brian, I lost my mom. I've only got my father left. Carrie lost her father. You haven't lost your parents yet, but unfortunately not to bring it down. That's going to happen, right? It's, it's the circle of life. We're all going to go at some point. So I always tell people that, you know, I hate to say this, but

Brian Blackburn (27:42.826)
Yep, yep.

Chase (27:53.498)
Maybe Carrie passing away was, and her going through what she was going through, was something for me to take with me after she's gone to be a better human, a better father, whatever that might be. That might sound crazy, but that's the way I have to look at it. Like I was so lucky to have her for the 19 years of my life. A lot of people go their whole lives never meeting their other, their one. And I did.

And what's crazy is I'm now sitting in this period where I feel guilty about being lonely and wanting to find human connection with someone else because I feel like I'm cheating on my wife.

And I have bad days because of that. It's like, I don't have adult interaction on the level that I had with my wife before anymore. So how do I go about getting over the guilt of feeling like I'm cheating on her and then going into another relationship and how can I just have perspective that just take life day by day and not worry about that stuff? I'm worrying about something. I've never even met another woman and I'm worried about it. Does that make sense?

Brian Blackburn (28:49.826)
Thank you.

Brian Blackburn (29:09.056)
Hehehehe.

I think this is part of your, I think this is part of the cycle, right, of your moving on like you're, you know, the first year we talked about you just have to survive, right? You had to survive, man. You didn't know how to do it, what to do. You just literally just put your head down and did the best you could do as, you know, with your job, with your kids, you know. So now you're at the next stage, right, where you're, there's new challenges. So every, you know, it's gonna be challenged, but you know, number one, Carrie gave you permission. So she wants you to be happy.

Chase (29:38.29)
She did.

Brian Blackburn (29:40.772)
day Chase I've said this to you over many beers you have to do what's best for you and that's you know you know that's what I'm saying okay but you being happy is gonna be make you a better dad like you have to be happy and I'm not talking about relationships it could be relationships it could be where they you know how much you drive them around what they do I'm just saying every decision you know you just have to do your best.

Chase (29:50.671)
and my kids.

Chase (29:56.688)
Right.

Phil (30:08.552)
be your Peloton bike rides. Hehehe.

Chase (30:10.07)
Yeah, I mean, the only reason I brought that up is that's what I can get into the weeds in, right? That's when I'm by myself and I'm lonely. I can go down that rabbit hole. And that's what I'm saying. It could be any one of these things that we can't worry about something that's not there yet. Right? We can't just, we got to live day to day and go, you know what, if I live my life the way I treat other people the way I would want to be treated, you treat, you're, you're a good person. You follow the golden rules, so to speak.

Brian Blackburn (30:10.335)
Yeah, it's a C.

Brian Blackburn (30:15.659)
Yeah, yeah.

Brian Blackburn (30:20.152)
Great.

Brian Blackburn (30:27.19)
Yep, exactly.

Chase (30:38.966)
and do unto others. And you give every day a kick in the ass and you can look yourself in the mirror every day and go, okay, today was a good day. We did everything we could do. And that doesn't mean, you know, you're always going to make 50 phone calls if that's what you did. But did you make every effort that you could and go to bed at night going, all right, I can't wait for what tomorrow brings.

Brian Blackburn (31:02.154)
Yeah.

Brian Blackburn (31:07.146)
Yeah. I mean, you have so much to be grateful for, which you already know. You have perspective. So I agree. But listen, man, there's always shit, dude. There's always shit. I was joking when I went to dinner with some of my buddies on Saturday and we were having some drinks and some laughs. I equated life to golf. I can never, when I golf, I can never have my driver, my irons, my short game, my chipping, my putting.

Chase (31:15.686)
They're always as shit.

Brian Blackburn (31:36.69)
all at the same time, right? It's like one day I drive really good, then the next round I can't, I'm OB every single time. So I kind of use that analogy for life, I've been for life, it's like, it's so hard to have your whole game going perfect, right? You know, work, friends, family, kids, there's always shit. Like there's one part of your game is gonna be off, and if you let that one part of your game ruin your round, you're in trouble. So you just have to deal with it.

Chase (31:59.866)
Absolutely.

Brian Blackburn (32:06.41)
and you have to fucking suck it up and you just try to fix that part of your game. And then you're gonna fix it. And I promise you, the next month there's gonna be, it's just really, I joke with the guys, I'm like, it's so hard to have the whole game going perfectly at one time. And we do our best to do it. I think if you try, you'll never hit perfection, but if you just try your best, I think...

Phil (32:16.488)
something else ago.

Brian Blackburn (32:35.626)
you'll be happy. You might not, for my stupid metaphor here, but you might not shoot under par, but you'll have a damn good round, right? And just know that there's gonna be really shitty rounds, but a little practice, a little tweaking, you're gonna be fine the next round. So anyways, that was my over tequila. That's what I came up with. Yes, exactly. You're golfing. That's actually great, Phil. You're actually...

Phil (32:51.357)
Sometimes.

Chase (32:53.318)
That is classic.

Phil (32:55.26)
Sometimes it's just good to play a round, right? Sometimes it doesn't matter how bad the round is, it's just good that you got out there. Exactly.

Brian Blackburn (33:05.066)
Yeah, Chase, yeah, we all have families, we all have good jobs and people we love. Yeah, so we are, if you're just out there golfing, man, life is freaking good.

Phil (33:05.817)
have you most my rounds.

Chase (33:17.37)
There is no doubt I was listening to a podcast this morning from one of our close friends, Paul McClintock, and he's got this new pet project that he's doing called My Badass Friends. And he's interviewing some of these friends that he's made over the years. And his name's Lance Snyder. He's an orthopedic surgeon. He said something to me that struck me that you just mentioned golf. And he said the same thing. He went through a really bad divorce, had three beautiful boys.

went through a really bad divorce and then found his number two and he said, sometimes you just got to re-tea. And I went, Oh my God, I thought that is just, I take a mulligan, put it back on the and get back on the tee box. And I went, so that's the second golf metaphor today that has really just absolutely brought a giant smile to my face. And I, you're absolutely right. I mean, if ever there was a metaphor for life, it's golf.

Brian Blackburn (33:52.846)
Haha, I like that.

Take them all again. Hehehehe.

Phil (33:57.032)
Take them all here.

Brian Blackburn (34:01.902)
I love that, I love that.

Chase (34:14.414)
And now I want to go play.

Brian Blackburn (34:16.854)
Yeah, me too. That's actually what would make life really good. Golf more.

Phil (34:17.191)
Hehehehe

Chase (34:19.31)
We have not done enough. Every year I say I'm gonna play more golf and it just doesn't seem to happen that often.

Brian Blackburn (34:25.122)
Hehehehe

Chase (34:27.609)
Larry!

Well, look, it's been, Brian, you and I talked about it last week. I've been going, you know, I've had my ups and downs sometimes, and this week, this last week was a little harder for me, for whatever reason. And it made me, and our episode with Ray, Felipe made me feel really just, her outlook on life is so amazing, and good things just keep coming her way because she treats people well.

Brian Blackburn (34:30.8)
He'll hear you. He heard you.

Chase (34:59.862)
And she's just a good person and she's happy and she's curious. And that just made me as I was going through my week of literally just, I broke down and looked at a picture of my wife and just, I started crying and I'm like talking to the world who nobody's listening to me, but the universe. And I just looked at her and I said, how do I get over that? How looking at her, how do I get over that? And it just made me think that my kids came home.

Avery went to soccer, Clay got a good grade on his test, and everything's better. And the good things come our way all the time. We just need to focus on those and be able to ride the waves of the tougher times. But we're all human.

Brian Blackburn (35:47.414)
Yep, and just, and there's always, yeah, and just one foot in front of the other. Yeah, that's what I always tell myself. Just don't go into...

paralyzation mode where you just don't move and you start feeling sorry for yourself and you start letting other Aspects of your life go to go negative like you just you keep your head up You put one foot in front of the other and know that this storm will pass, right? So you just got to keep it moving you're doing it and then reach out to your network you know reach out to reach out to all the people that care about you and We don't have to take this on. Yeah, we don't do this on our own

Chase (36:00.262)
That's right.

Chase (36:15.97)
And you learn that's it That's exactly what I just that's exactly what I was just gonna say It's it's okay to be vulnerable and reach out to your friends and say hey, I'm struggling a little bit Can you just be an ear and by the way that helps? 95% of the time just being able to let something go that's building up in you, but you know A lot of people will think

that they're being a burden and nobody wants to be down and nobody wants to, but the honest truth is most human beings wanna help. And you got, and we just gotta remember that. If you're enjoying our podcast, if you're loving it, please like us, subscribe, please send this podcast out to your friends, your networks. And hopefully we can help everybody's life.

make a little more sense because, you know, as we always say, life is life.